OK, I lied. It is not December 14th, and my papers have not been written. But I am nearing the end of what I have to admit is a fairly short tether with my stake Relief Society calling. In the midst of writing final papers and translations, I’ve found myself in a losing battle to scale down the mammoth stake Relief Society enrichment day planned for next spring. In the past it’s been an all-day extravaganza, two meals, workshop after workshop, crafts and motivational speakers jumping out of cakes (well, I may be exaggerating a wee bit about the cakes ).
I really don’t mind putting a lot of work into an activity, as long as it has a point. But I simply don’t see how it meets women’s needs to organize hours of what–let’s face it–often amounts to so much fluff and an extravagent lunch for which they will all have to cook something. Really, is anyone going to suffer lasting spiritual malaise if we offer only two workshops and a potato bar? And in a stake as geographically large as ours, isn’t it a lot to ask women in distant branches to drive an hour each way for an all-day activity–activities which, tellingly, they generally have to be guilted into attending? I’ve read Marjorie Condor’s and Jana Reiss’s recent reflections on Relief Society, and Claudia Bushman’s on the lives of Mormon women with great interest. And I have to ask myself of the daunting Relief Society labor I’m currently facing, This is the organization modeled on the priesthood, the power of God on the earth, whose members at one time considered themselves a quorum, charged “not only to relieve the poor, but to save souls”?
When it comes to trivial excess, we women have no one to blame but ourselves. Years ago when I was the education counselor in a ward Relief Society presidency, I watched the frenzy take hold. One week the teacher decorated the entire table with tastefully chosen, carefully arranged photographs and personal momentos relating to the lesson and distributed handouts. The next week, the teacher had to decorate, distribute handouts, and make treats. And the next teacher had to decorate, distribute handouts, and offer a choice of homemade treats.
When did we start to confuse consecrating our hearts with breaking our backs? And in a stake, and a world, in which women struggle with singleness, childlessness, marital problems, divorce, widowhood, debt, poverty, physical illness, mental illness, addictions, rebellious children, abusive parents, loneliness, sorrow, and sin, why, oh why, is our greatest concern making sure that the centerpieces match the tablecloths?
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Relief Society Goes Berserk
I came across this post as I was searching for a good "message" to give at our next Relief Society enrichment meeting. It was posted at www.zelophehadsdaughters.com by Eve on 4 Dec 2006.
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5 comments:
I often complain to Shawn that Mormons seem to think that if X is good, X + 1 is better and X +10 is the best.
but to answer the question. The reason we focus on making centerpieces (not me, obviously) over all the other problems is that is something we have control over. We can't fix all those other things.
I'd like to laugh, really I want to... unfortunately, it's an affliction I have. Don't get me wrong... I don't act on it, but man oh man, I wish I could put together hand made little notes and handmade treats and have some gorgeous centerpiece. Alas, I do none of those things. But oh how I wish I could. Then everyone would comment on how gorgeous everything was and how perfectly talented I am and noone would notice that my lesson compeletely sucked. Hence, the reason I have no teaching callings. Isn't it terrible what we do to eachother, as Mormon housewives? We do it to ourselves... we should be kinder and more forgiving of eachother and that fact that some of us just aren't craft and decorating gods...
It is so true that we do this to ourselves. We run ourselves ragged, for what?
I have taught seminary for 8 years now "competing" with other teachers in the building who are "treat training" their students.
They tell me "my students know I love them because I bring them treats." I only hope that they know I love them because I offer them the "word" which I love.
I think that once we put off the pride that we have, trying to bring the focus or attention on ourselves, and focus it where it belongs, on the Savior, we will then start to become effective teachers, better leaders, and humble servants.
It really is an issue of Pride. When will we learn?
Confession: I have never enjoyed Relief Society. I have always felt I wasn't 'girlie' enough to care whether or not the table was arranged perfectly, therefore felt I never fit in. It also made the feminist in me bristle as I wondered why we, as women, belittle ourselves by worrying more about how to create the perfect "object lesson" than how to create an environment where we could discuss serious gospel principles. Did I mention I am currently a RS teacher and my goal is to NEVER bring anything in except (hopefully) thought provoking questions that will help us chics talk about things I wouldn't be mortified if a member of the priesthood over heard. (ie: how to get crayons out of the laundry--- seriously this was in a RS manual when I was in college. They don't talk about that in priesthood!)
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