I guess the point of this post is to pontificate upon suicide and some of its predicating factors. I've heard so many people talk about how suicide is wrong and how it's the most selfish thing a person can possiby do. Whenever I hear this from someone, I become incredibly angry. There are so many misconceptions about mental illness and while scientists have discovered some things, others might never be understood.
I think many people do not understand that depression is not a choice to be unhappy. It's not something you can just snap out of. It's not something that will just go away if you put on a happy face and pretend nothing's wrong. Yes, just about everyone has bad days and many people have bad weeks, months, etc. That doesn't equate to depression.
Diagnostic criteria for mental disorders are essentially descriptions of symptoms that fall into one of four categories. In major depressive disorder for example, affective or mood symptoms include depressed mood and feelings of worthlessness or guilt. Behavioral symptoms include social withdrawal and agitation. Cognitive symptoms, or problems in thinking include difficulty with concentration or making decisions. Finally, somatic or physical symptoms include insomnia or hypersomnia (sleeping too much).
http://www.allaboutdepression.com/dia_01.html
There are many more symptoms than these here. A careful evaluation by a trained professional is necessary and treatment is important. I feel grateful that my depression is mild to moderate. I have not had a major depressive disorder. But even my mild depression can be debilitating and life altering at times. I have taken medication and I have been in therapy and it does help. Knowing that I have depressive episodes and that, for me, they seem to cycle helps too. I feel blessed that I have supportive friends who understand that it is an illness and they help me and not blame me.
I have had suicidal thoughts in the past. Jean's death has hit close to my heart. I can understand and empathize with her. I can't say exactly what she was feeling but I do understand the depth of hopelessness and despair. I don't believe that her choice was selfish. I believe that, in her mind, she was doing the only thing she could. That she truly believed the world was better off without her and that death was the only way through her pain and through the darkness she was trapped in.
I am not saying that suicide is a good choice or should even be a choice. What I am asking for is that people will try and understand the anguish of the suicide victim.
NOTE: While I was researching the data I used, I came across this website and I wanted to share it.
10 comments:
Jen, you realize that because of the context of your post, no one will state a different opinion. Who are we to argue with your grief and comfort?
I will say, though, that at a school I learned that 50% of people will seriously consider suicide during their lifetime.
OKay, so it turns out I can't keep opinions to myself. Jen, I totally understand what you are saying about the fact that people (in general) who consider suicide are clearly having mental health issues and therefore, it doesn't seem fair to deem the decision "selfish" because they aren't really in a place to make logical decisions. However, when I think of discussing suicide with my kids, I definitely want to tell them it is wrong, and it is the most selfish thing you can do. I don't want to teach them that sometimes when you feel down it is understandable to consider suicide because you have a mental illness. In my mind, that opens the door to the actual action. My hope is that the aversion to suicide I have given them during times of stability, will carry them through times that perhaps they are struggling mentally. Does that make sense? I am, however, so sorry for your loss. and so sorry (and understanding) of your personal struggles. and i appreciate the honesty and candor of your post.
I don't think I will ever tell my kids that suicide is selfish. I will tell them not to do it. I will tell them where they can get help. I want to have an open enough relationship that they will come to me, but I know that is short sighted so I want to help them build relationships with other caring adults too who will be available to them. I want them to see the whole picture--to understand the consequences and to realize the finality of suicide.
I'm sorry for your loss. I have worked for years with those who suffer with mental illness. It can be awful. I have actually made this subject a course of serious study. Even with all my study I still don't fully understand all that they suffer. I think it is easy to say it is selfish to commit suicide. It is selfish for a person in their right mind to do. Has a person in their right mind ever committed suicide. To be in that dark of a place where death is better is a scary thing and cannot be judged by those of us who have never been there. I think it is so important to talk to your children about it so they know what it is and how to either help themselves or a friend down the road. I think just telling them well they were selfish is a horrible way to approach the subject and doesn't educate at all. To assume that "because mom told me it was wrong" is going to carry someone through the problem when they are devastated by a mental illness is illogical. this certainly cannot be a one time conversation with your children either. Sorry a bit passionate about this subject.
Wow, conservative chick. Thanks for adding things to my comment that weren't there (i.e. suicide as a one time conversation) and calling me "horrible", "illogical" and accusing me of not educating my kids. This is actually why I do not think the internet is a good forum for discussions: it is far too easy to attack other people. I think that perhaps argumentative blogging is not for me.
oh no thank you Taylor for assuming that those comments were a direct attack on you. They were not. If it seemed that way I do apologize. I have simply dealt with many many family members of individuals with mental illness who act as if it is something the individuals could control, and that if they just talk to them everything will be fine.I can tell enough about you by your posts to know that would not be a one time conversation. My point is that this requires serious help from a professional. I do disagree with the idea of telling your kids it is selfish. To me, and i stress it is just my opinion, I would feel that is not dealing with the heart of the issue. If I took my frustration that I have for illogical family members that I deal with on you I also apologize for that.
Fair enough. Sorry that I took it so personally. Believe it or not I have worked with people with mental illness as well. and I have had several personal experiences with people I love threatening and attempting suicide. so I am not talking from a hypothetical place and it is an issue that is close to my heart as well. But you may be right about one thing, perhaps "selfish" isn't the best term. especially since I consider selfishness to be a virtue (go objectivism!) I do, however, feel strongly that I will teach my children that suicide is an incredibly bad, stupid, short-sighted, wrong CHOICE. emphasis, on choice. I will not teach them that suicide sometimes is an inevitable result of mental illness or something that they have no control over.
Thank you for taking the time to clarify your post. I appreciate it. and again I am sorry for taking things too personally.
Holy wowsers! Look at all the fun i missed. I bet nobody is even going to come back here for my two cents. I've recently decided that judging something as selfish or selfless is really too subjective. For instance, i think my mom not wanting to hang out with family simply 'cause my dad will be there is selfish. It makes everyone rearrange their schedules and means we can't all get together anymore. On the other, me thinking my mom shuld just "get over it" is also selfish. Besides, isn't whether or not it's selfish kind of beside the point? I dunno, i guess maybe i don't do certain things because they'd be selfish. But i most definitely have to agree with Taylor on the fact that the best thing we can do is to have open discussions with our children (and youth, etc.) that suicide is never a viable option - never. It is always wrong, there are no circumstances i am aware of that would ever justify that particular course of action. And i will teach my children that. And it will carry weight. If "because mom [or dad] told me so" doesn't carry any weight (even through mental illness) then why the heck do parents teach their children anything. Most everything that a child accepts about religion and God comes from parents or other parent-figures (teachers). To say what i say about suicide won't carry any weight at the crucial time is to also say that what i (or anyone else) says about GOd and religion won't carry any wieght either at the crucial moment. But i also think society in general is a little too generous with the whole idea of "mental illness" anyway. But don't get me started on that. (If that doesn't rile people up, then frankly i don't know what will). But the bottom line is not all people who consider suicide are "mentally ill," perhaps at the time they may exhibit signs of depression or other mental issues. But that doesn't mean they've lost their memories (about what their parents told them) or they're reasoning powers, at least not all (or even a mojority) of them all of the time.
Look out! I am agreeing with Alan again, and he is agreeing with me. Wow. Who would have thought it would come to this. Maybe Alan and I can be friends afterall. Haha. But seriously, thanks Alan for your post and for saying what I was not brave enough to say.
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